|I would like to share tidbits I have gathered, from people on the front lines. Some of the things are like: Duh, but also, Wow and YES! |
Tidbit #1: During a crisis language is difficult. It’s hard to describe what is happening when the crisis is unfolding. Covid, pandemic, economy; it’s all a moving target.
Tidbit #2: When something IS a moving target, it is even MORE important to talk about what is happening. Even if articulation is garbled; it’s worth discussing and sharing. This resonates with me so much, because I tend to not speak up until I feel “senior” to something. Well, I don’t feel “senior” to 2020 by a long shot.
In a traumatic moment I have a 5-step plan:
1 & 2. I shut the fuck up and focus
3. I want to absorb it all,
4. then process it and
5. then give it language.
But what I am learning is that I must speak now. Even if it is in spurts and disjointed.
Tidbit #3: First responders create “fall backs” for moments like these. When there is deterioration of a patient or a situation and normal protocols aren’t working sometimes you need to fall back on something to try and guide yourself through it. It’s an attempt to do good, during a bad time. My personal lesson from this is: I need to throw the rule book out and do what works for me right now. I refuse to adhere to some protocol that isn’t relevant anymore. If you have kids at home you realize you are not good at homeschooling, it’s ok. Fuck that. You aren’t doing business as usual, of course you aren’t. WTF? How can you? I can’t.
Tidbit #4 Being “believed” is important right now. For example in January my dreams were entirely about apocalyptic grocery store runs. It helped me that my friends and family believed my information at the time and helped me navigate through that fear. Because now I am able to support them as my nightmares have come to life. They believed me. I believed myself. I felt seen and heard and witnessed. I don’t care if you have to call a free crisis line to be heard, do it. If you don’t have a friend in the world you are not alone. So many of us have few to no friends. I believe you. You deserve to be believed. Nothing makes sense right now: What is happening? There is no leadership. What you are feeling shifts moment to moment. I found myself repulsed by Ellen’s instagram videos of her in her mansion. I love Ellen, but suddenly I was like… ‘I don’t want to see your fucking mansion when so many are worried about keeping the lights on and food in their bellies.’
Now I want to speak about conspiracies to those of you in the USA: I knew that COVID was real because I had been talking to people all around the world since December and plenty of people were really, really sick. I was also having a lot of scary predictive dreams in Jan and Feb and many of you were also. There is a ton of scary conspiracy stuff going around about COVID-19. Have you ever watched the show The Handmaid’s Tale? Do you remember how fucking dialed that regime was? Wow, they were so organized. It’s shocking how well organized they were. In this reality there is no “one” organized dark underworld. There are many different dark underworlds each with their own agenda, because they are too self-absorbed to organize and view themselves as too smart to plan. Yes, there is a big pharma agenda to make money. That sucks. Bill Gates is not a “goodness from his heart philanthropist” he is a business man baby with his own strange agenda. But all this “new” world order conspiracy stuff is bullshit. They are not going to “over take”. They already have taken over.
Have you ever read this book? You should. Click here to read a review about it.
|We already have heaps of poverty, racism, discrimination and very little |
support. We have already been living in a state of dark underworld disorganization. Disorganization that rebels against sense-making is darkness. That is currently front and center. We cannot deny it or pretend it’s all okay. In summary, if there is no mass dark well organized regime. And there is no light worker well organized hippy machine…then what? It’s the end of the illusion of convenience and the remembering of self-sufficiency and oh yeah we are a guest of this earth. For many of you this is the moment you have been preparing for your entire life. Working on your spiritual self, learning skills, ninja style trading for services, planting gardens, desiring clean water and building systems that are sustainable. So what we need now is for the people of the earth to prevail, not the fragmented talking heads. As my wife says we have elected many, many people who cannot “do” anything. We now need to all be doing something. Cleaning and clearing and healing the planet. And each one of us (like a symphony) is needed to participate in that healing.
-Plain and simple I am saying:
-Plant a garden
-Help a neighbor
-Take time to observe your pets or your kids and learn something
We are the “new world order”. The indigenous ways of living, that is what is needed; rise up and remember.
This post is chock full of big changes. So grab a cup of tea and sit back.
Join me in my time-machine…about 6 years ago. I was on the balcony of my little condo overlooking the max station in Hillsboro, Oregon. I was playing with my baby girl. Suddenly, I heard a bird chirping. When I heard this chirp my brain said, “oh it’s the crosswalk sound”. My brain didn’t say, “oh what a sweet bird.” My brain assumed it was mechanical. I felt sick to my stomach that the city had fully taken me over. I felt I needed to get out of what Portland was becoming.
Through my work, I have the honor of talking to people from all over the world. So my sense of greener grass is really mild. I don’t necessarily see that healthcare is better in Europe, because I talk with people in Europe. Or such and such state is horrible or better because of X, because I talk to people in those states. I hear real problems from real people and I get a daily dose of reality. So I asked myself, ‘where do people seem the most happy and the most unhappy?’ People who seem the MOST unhappy, I swear, they are all calling me from Florida. People who seem the most happy are calling me from Bend, Oregon. (That’s out of the big city isn’t it?) Sure people in Bend have plenty of problems, but the sunshine and the earth energy is very potent and they seem more balanced because of it.
So, I moved my family over the mountain to the sunshine far enough east and south to have the Deschutes National Forest as my backyard. This forest called me in. I live about 30 minutes south of Bend. Bendites think I’m crazy for living that far. I love it. I get to say, “I’m going to town” and that means driving to Bend.
The downside is (as a gay, hispanic woman) I live next to a lot of guns and racist assholes. I don’t always feel safe. But I really do feel strong and I love the earth here. Until this last year when they began destroying the forest behind my home for fire “safety” reasons. It was really for cash. All those trees were loaded onto big logging trucks. They left nests of brush piled as tall as a moose including the height of its antlers (my daughter’s words). They are un-burned and now really DOpresent a fire hazard. Watching them rip out my trees makes me cry and rage. I want to scream and cry at the machinery in my yard. It makes me want to rip the men from their tree killing machines and beat them. I feel strongly I am the mother of these trees. And this forest was really young and thin already. It was my baby. (So I dream even bigger of one day living on a large piece of land where they won’t take my trees. I feel like I need at least a 100 acres.)
I have lived the last 4 years in this sweet little rental in the forest. It’s the place where my marriage fell apart (thank the Goddess). Our first month in this place and my husband was yelling and screaming at me on my daughter’s birthday while I had the flu. I was fucking done. Thanks little house for bringing the truth to the surface. I laid down the first couple nights in this home, falling asleep to it’s mother like nature. Also, it was infested with spiders. I would lay there and talk to it and say, ‘house tell your spider children to stay out of my home. I don’t like them and I don’t want to kill them.’ Two days later the bugs and spiders left. I would sit in the backyard and watch all the things, the birds, dragonflies, rabbits and soooo many millions of butterflies come here. It was like the nature channel. There’s my brain again…ha ha.
This home is the place where my Saint Bernard was born into our family. It’s the hammock swaying in the summer that my kid turns into a swing. It’s waking up to a foot of snow on the ground every morning. It’s white Christmas. It’s the place where I fell in love with my wife before she was my wife. It’s s’mores in the fire pit. It’s the home where she built me a gorgeous farm table, in the dining room, because it couldn’t fit through the door. And when I realized it couldn’t be moved, I looked up at her and said with a little tremor in my voice, “Oh boy this really is permanent, huh?” And she laughed at me and my commitment issues. I have said unequivocally that this is my side of the mountain; my forever place.
Meanwhile, I have driven back to Portland almost every month (sometimes twice) since I moved to these mountains. And I have slowly watch my beautiful Portland become overrun, exploited, destroyed. Let me give you an example, a few weeks back I got my truck stuck on a light pole in a Grand Central Baking parking lot. I saw the pole. I knew it was there, but somehow I didn’t realize it was THAT CLOSE. So I jumped out of my truck as crowd of onlookers gathered. I was in a great mood, despite this. How awesome, someone in this crowd would help me talk through how to negotiate getting off the light pole with as little damage to my truck as possible. I excitedly ask the crowd for help, “Hey do you think I should reverse and turn the wheel to the left and then go forward?” And they all just starred with no response, except one woman said, “oh honey you aren’t from around here are you?” I was stunned that this was her response to me asking for help. Because 10 years ago I wouldn’t have been a side-show, I would have been a neighbor (no matter the neighborhood) and someone would have helped. So I said, “No I’m not from around here” because suddenly I didn’t want to be associated with this place.
Flash back to me being 18 years old and trying to get my car out of a tight squeeze in an underground parking lot. You know the kind. Oh and I was downtown during the rose parade. The parking attendant was shouting commands at me as my car got more and more stuck. Then he would just curse at me for listening to him in the first place. It was super intense. Suddenly, a kind black man walking by, intervened on my behalf. He started shouting at the parking attendant, “Stop yelling at her! Everything you are telling her to do is worse and you are just yelling!” I gave him a hug and I asked him would he do it for me, he looked cautiously and said, “are you sure?” I explained nothing I was doing was working. The kind stranger jumped into my car, made two driving wheel moves and got me unstuck. THAT IS THE REAL PORTLAND. I am fully committed to bringing the kindness back with me. I am fully committed to responding to, “you’re not from around here” by saying yup, “I’m old Portland, but I don’t think you are.” I am fully committed to rediscovering the kindness here.
An organization founded in 1975 aimed at supporting survivors of domestic violence through culturally specific services. She will be continuing her work as a business consultant and parent coach on Saturdays for you. This means we are relocating back to Portland which we both never thought we’d do.
But it is a great opportunity for both of us. For Bri it’s leading a team and championing an important cause. She is really skilled at navigating bureaucratic systems and helping the “good guy” win. She is unafraid of chaos. She has helped me so much personally with my trauma as a survivor that I know Bradley Angle is lucky to have her (and the Mayor of Portland thinks so too check out the video at the end of this email).
I can’t wait to be her secret weapon, helping her get funding and donations and supporting her agency so that this resource stays strong and alive. I want that for women and children everywhere! I have strong opinions. I’m feeling a little Michelle Obama-ish in this process. Because Bri’s non-profit needs help! It needs my powerhouse wife, but it also needs money. So if you wanna introduce me to your rich friends, go for it! We are currently trying to raise $18,000 through private donors to secure a match by the end of June! More on that in another email.
For now here is what you need to know: My heart has always been with you Portland. I never thought I would return and my dream of country living is on hold for the next 10 years or so. I feel at home close to the wilderness, yet Portland has a special magic for me. No matter how pissed I am about hitting traffic at 7am, I ALWAYS leave my office after working with clients in the best mood. Portland you are my tribe; you are my people. I know there is some old Portland under the surface and I am fully committed to uncovering it. Portland is where I gave birth to Lotus Lantern Healing Arts. And you supported me even after I left. Thank you! Now I dream of more in-person sessions. I dream of teaching boat loads of in-person classes. So let’s see what unfolds. My plan is to be back in PDX by June 20th.
Liliana’s todo list:
- Secure housing rental, slightly out of the city with a backyard for 3 dogs √
- Pack the Bird Feeders √
- Find classroom space to teach in
- Add office time at the N. Mississippi office
Alright, got any advice for me as I make my way back over the mountains?
I wanna share my wife’s courage. Not only did she show up for the fundraiser at Bradley Angle before she even started working there, but she was auctioned off to a stranger, “Have dinner with the new Executive Director”!?!?! HAHA! Oh and here she is on day three of her new gig (the video I promised):
We think that if we were bigger, more well known, larger scale, could move more product then we’d be set. I built a non-profit once and was convinced if my organization got picked up by a resource heavy, established agency we would crush our competitors. The day finally came when I was successful on my path and found my small organization a well appointed home. There were board room toasts and a lot of congratulatory voicemails coming my way. Instead, upon opening the front door of our new home, I was met with a management team that was half-assed and incompetent. After nine months of observing this, I pulled my non-profit back a day before the merger, retained stewardship, and made some lifelong enemies. ☺ Which I smile about now.
Which brings me to this sign:
Since that kick ass decision of mine, which included zero financial gain (high-fiving myself), I have had dozens of people from that industry ask me to hire them! (I am currently not hiring). Sound leadership and competence can draw in an outstanding workforce.
When Liliana asked me to put together a small piece about business, I wanted to offer this take away to readers: The advantage up and coming entrepreneurs have over businesses that they are aiming to become, is that they are not susceptible to a perspective trap like this:
For me the decision to bury a dynasty of wilderness therapy practice with honor, rather than sell my material and expertise to false leaders brought me joy, not money. What brings me money right now is this……I either get to work with amazing spirited entrepreneurs who are often stuck in leg traps of their own making OR agencies who are actively struggling from the mindset pictured above.
I really LOVE this sign. My “holiday thrift store extravaganza” turned up this GOLD. I had a dramatic “aha” moment in aisle 2 (located just next door to aisle 3). Aisle 3 housed vintage romance novels, oil paintings of mallard ducks flying over Iowa wheat fields and sets of someone else’s grandmother’s china. People stared as I shouted to myself at this realization that THIS sign describes perfectly what I battle within established organizations. How could people walk by this sign and not have the same reaction? “Hello! Do you see this?!, it’s Brilliant!” Mallard duck collectors to the left and right of me raised their noses and china set shoppers tried to silence me with their eyes. I reminded myself that my fiancé loves me a lot more than anyone else in that aisle that day. I held my head high, and kept my feet grounded until I waited everyone out. “Last person standing” is one of my all time favorite titles.
I have worked with many, decades-old organizations and agencies, and I often discover they are confusing tenure with competency, routine imitation with genuine quality. Winning is a choice….unless of course you find yourself in a thrift store during the holiday season and you have what we call “beginners luck” (points-at-self).
A novice with a business concept has an advantage. Aware entrepreneurs benefit from a lack of experience as much as aware executives often benefit from experience in creating intentional design.
If you need a reminder that resources can lead to waste and excess resources lead to more waste; call me for a consultation. I can help support and advise you on your own brilliant concept! Book Now
In this video I share my thoughts on Mytae Garcia’s new book, The Most Beautiful Life: My Life With Prince. Let’s talk about how even magical, powerful people can get programmed and loose their spark because of trauma and hardship. Also your spirit guides don’t have to be boring!
Do you know I have a podcast? These are just SOME of the beautiful voices in our episodes.🐞 We talk about unrequited love, 🍾 interview my ex’s, destroy lesbian stereotypes 🍭, discuss widowhood 🥀and celebrate sluts and sex positions. In our latest episode meet an ex gang member and graffiti artist turned doctor.🌺 Click the link in bio and navigate to our podcast link. Check us out on iTunes and Google play too! @muscletestingdoctor @ktboyden #loverequited #loverequitedxxxtcetera #lotuslanternhealingarts #reverendlilianabarzola #appliedkinesiology #graffiti #lesbianstereotypes
Nope, I certainly am not.
However, I am a messenger and I am a wounded healer.
Lots of people are reaching out to us and asking, “WTF is happening right now?!?! Things are cray, cray!”
Personally: Nuthin’ but transformation and heart ache around these here parts.
So I’m sharing some resources for those of you who are struggling so hard you can’t even reach out. If you are doing great and life is smooth, I bet you are still seeing people struggling around you:
Check out my brother-friend Robert Ciprian’s Post from this week:
(***Spoiler alert! Next podcast features Dr. Ciprian: From gang banger to healer-doctor. It will be published later this week.)
I love the famous CHANI who offers this bite-sized explanation: “The new moon in Pisces arrives on March 17th at 6:12 AM PT. Sitting in a conjunction to Chiron, the Wounded Healer, this new moon asks us to be tender with what hurts. Forgiving with what we can. Compassionate with ourselves as we work through sensitive issues and life events. Shortly after the new moon, Mercury station’s retrograde challenging us to get our messages across with accuracy and efficiency.”
Now I offer an opportunity to go even deeper. My astrologer friend, Sarah Fontaine, doesn’t offer sound bites: She offers deep poetry. Before you read anything by her, I ask you to watch this 10 minute video. Can you turn off your neon brain that wants a quick fix and really listen to her poem? This started as a job-description for the person she needed to hire for her pre-school center. It will resonate so much for you if you let it steep.
After you watch, I encourage you to click here and read her horoscopes. You can use them to help re-focus your energy.
At some point, we all feel like we don’t fit in. That we don’t belong. That everyone is laughing and we don’t get the joke.
Ironically, this is what unites us all as humans. The feeling that we’re ‘the other.”
My parents emigrated from Argentina to the United States. White culture saw me as the Other and let me know. Argentine culture saw me as Gringa and let me know.
I am dyslexic. I spent years testing high in comprehension but had an extremely low reading level. My teacher would be 4 steps ahead of me; I was still stuck on step one.
As a teenager, I read lesbian sci-fi novels and dreamed about being with women. As a feminine woman, I felt rejected by butch lesbian culture. I felt unattractive to women. I got the message that, if I didn’t have short hair, boots and flannel, I would never have a female partner. I liked high heels, lipstick and everything pink, so I was doomed.
Oh, and another thing… I am a psychic. A profession that certainly makes you the Other. How can a charlatan be respected when you are out in the world certainly duping people?
But when you spend your life feeling like you don’t fit in, you learn to recognize and help your fellow travelers.
In the early 2000’s I was a little, baby psychic and many LGBTQ humans sought out my services. They wanted to work on their emotions and process their identity but the world of psychology hadn’t caught up to their consciousness level yet. One night, I dreamed that my first client was a man named George, but he was also a woman. It was a really powerful and healing dream. I woke up the next morning, went to work and walked into a waiting room full of all men and one person who appeared to be a woman. I walked right up to the “woman” and said, “Are you George?” I cannot tell you the joy on George’s face when he was seen as he truly was for the first time.
I strongly identify with people who feel oppressed by our modern day neon culture. The things that make me weird and quirky are also the things that make me a great healer.
Nobody here at Lotus Lantern Healing Arts fits in. We are all The Other. So we’re a safe place for you to be who you truly are.
-Rev. Liliana Barzola