I woke up this past Sunday, ready for work. Except for one, small thing…
I had no voice.
As I am beginning to achieve some things for my business that I have been unable to do for many years, I am feeling terror. I feel this enormous fear around speaking from my heart and not getting killed for it. I feel like I’ve experienced torture and trauma past-life around my voice, and my voice is obviously very important to me in this life. I LOVE teaching, healing and helping and I do this all with the power of my voice.
In my classes, I teach my students about something called, “persecution pictures”. These are subconscious memories of past-life persecution. Being killed for speaking your truth or standing up for myself.
Past-life persecution pictures can “flare-up” when you are actively healing them. And they can make you feel kr-r-razy. You can be in a meeting with a loan officer and feel like you are gonna jump out of your skin. It can be a totally mundane thing but your internal reaction is one of great post-traumatic stress, yet you don’t see a correlation to anything you have actually experienced in this life. Think of it like phantom post-traumatic stress.
So since this past-life picture stuff is really active for me, and prior to this voice loss, I had been going to sleep and asking my higher-self for realignment. “Please allow me to clear all the limitation around what I can create here on earth.”
So Sunday morning I wake up and I have NO VOICE at all. I don’t feel sick it’s a mystery.
Hahahaha… well played, Universe.
As much as I think I’m terrified to speak from my heart, my greatest fear is that I won’t be able to speak at all. It’s reverse fear of success -it’s fear of being heard, being received. So today and for however long this takes I have to sit in this feeling and love myself –in whispers.
Later that day I had an awesome treatment with a Dr. Robert Ciprian. My voice came back the following morning, just as he said. Yippie!
But now it has left me again.
Well played, Universe.
I am getting deep personal lessons here.
My clients and students have been beyond patient with me. My poor assistant that has to keep calling and rescheduling people. Because we just don’t know when…
It’s kinda hilarious that I am being MADE to sit in this and recreate my voice inside out.
The funniest challenge right now is parenting a toddler without a voice. She is so use to getting verbal love from me. We were on the playground and she was yelling to strangers across the way, “Look at me! Look at how high up I climbed.”
I felt embarrassed – she was being a show off. Two year olds are so full of themselves.
I had no voice to shush her or give her the praise so she would stop!
I just caught her eyes and smiled and laughed at how I was judging her.
I was uncomfortable.
Once again, well played, Universe.
Why the hell shouldn’t we all be like, “hey look at me! Look how high I’ve climbed!” She’s giving me lessons galore.
I am reaching out to you now. By asking, “Will you be in agreement with me that my voice will come back stronger than ever, and I can get back to doing my beloved work in the world?”
If the answer is yes, that’s all I need. If it’s not, don’t worry. I don’t take it personal.
Here is a beautifully written comment from Jeremiah Coleman:
“Your alignment has shed your old voice. Now you are in the quiet at the beginning of Spring, holding the seeds that are about to sprout from the dark soil of your past; the composted fear. You are now growing a New Voice. When you speak again, in that first sliver of the growing moon, your voice will not carry the vibration of fear. Your voice will transmit an Overtone of radiant Beauty, Free Will and Elegance. All Blessings, Sister.”
You can do this too! Anytime you are trying to heal, manifest, inspire, get a clear answer for, try it.
For example: You are trying to get clarity on where to move to. You can say to a friend, “Hey, will you be in agreement with me that I’ll get clarity on this move?”
1. Pick the thing you want to heal/get clarity on.
2. Think of someone who you think wants you to succeed or is neutral about it. (Basically you just don’t want to ask someone who is in competition with you.)
3. Then ask them “to be in agreement with you.”
Things to know:
This takes no energy from you or the “co-agree-er”
It doesn’t require problem solving or fixing. In fact, it’s just the opposite.
(I might find myself worrying in a circle out-loud to a friend. This friend might be looking at me like, “geeze you are gonna give yourself a heart-attack if you keep yourself in this worry circle.” Then, I realize what I am doing. I stop myself, and say out-loud to this friend, “hey would you be in agreement with me that I resolve this with ease?”
What to do if they say no:
1. Don’t take it personal.
it’s really good info. You don’t want them saying “yes” when they really mean “no.”
(not good juju for them or you.)
2. Don’t give up!
Who else could you ask? (relative, friend, internet forum.)
3. Try, try again!
So now you have gotten someone to agree, that’s awesome! Also the more the merrier, you can get more people that increases the permission level exponentially.
There’s this silly bible verse… Yep! Here comes the Jesus!
Matthew 18:19 “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.”
Now chill out.
Let it rest.
This doesn’t mean you can’t still ask for help or take necessary steps to heal or manifest. It does mean you need to let the universe join you in that. Being in effort around an issue is solidifying that you will be alone in it.
But throwing your hands up once in awhile, you’re saying:
“Hey Universe… tag! YOU’RE it!”