We had a wonderful time in New England. I got to spend time with clients I’ve never met in-person and make new friends and clients. In my last letter I told you that our trip was originally inspired by a pewter oil lamp made by the Danforth family in Vermont. I had hoped we would get to stop into their workshop. While I was driving us thru Vermont, I told my fiancé, Bri, “I am just gonna follow my heart and see where the car takes us.” This might not sound like a mighty request, however, if you knew how directionally challenged I am you would understand how crazy this sounds. Especially since Bri was a wilderness guide in her previous life. Bri’s identity is built on transporting people safely through all kinds of terrain and conditions; planning, calculating and navigating from more than your heart. But…she is a total badass so of course she fully supported me in this. And I’m pretty sure she made careful observations of where my heart was leading us from that point on. Ha, Ha!
If you follow me on Instagram you can see the video we took while there. This company is family owned and the workers there are really wonderful people. While we were there we fell in love with their spinning toy tops made out of pewter. They have names like: Ballet, Breakdance and Cha Cha, because of their awesome moves. They told us the story of how their tops came to be. A story that has inspired me to birth a new class series. When Fred Danforth first started his company he had a dream to make pewter spinning toy tops. But he wasn’t allowed to. The tops were too costly to make, too hard to get to spin. So the money managers made him give up. (This is a really awesome story because it illustrates so much of what entrepreneurs go thru.) So after 20 years, Fred said, “Screw you all, I’m doing it anyway.” And his tops are amazing top sellers! (pun intended) That story made me cry. Like it literally made me cry.
I have something I’ve been stewing on for at least 25 years and I’m about to reveal it. When I was a 19 year old college student, I had made a new friend in my Intro to Genetics class. During our first study session and out of the blue she asked, “Do you think I’ve ever had an orgasm?” I looked at her over my class notes and said, “No. If you have to ask, then you have never had one. You would absolutely know if you had.” This made me so sad because she was a married woman and older than I was. I should explain that this kind of shit was happening to me since I was 15. Girls and women asked me questions about their body and their sex lives.
Over the years women have said:
- I have never had a partner go slow with me, is there something wrong with me?
- I don’t know what turns me on.
- I think I am sexually broken.
- I feel ashamed when I feel pleasure.
- I really want my partner to just take me and be assertive, but I’m waiting and that moment never comes.
- I just wait for sex to be over, is that normal?
Women were settling for mediocre and bad sex. That was not sensual pleasure. That was madness! Yes, I was open about pleasure and nonjudgmental but I could still feel all the nerve they must have worked up to talk with me about their concerns. When I started my energy healing practice I was more excited than ever to tackle this stuff. Because now women where asking me and I got to help them clear the programming, fear and shame that blocked their exploration into pleasure.
Is it my culture? I was raised by a South American mother who embraced her body and sensual energy and didn’t believe in shame. It still blows my mind how there are only two options in the United States. You are either super oppressed and don’t want to talk about it at all or you are a total slut and you just sit around watching porn all day. Well, I don’t think either of those archetypes are even real. There is a a lot of beauty in keeping your sexual and sensual energy private and quite. That is totally hot! But as long as you find freedom in that way of being.
I rage against the oppression and shame that people put on me. My entire life, well meaning women have pulled a bra strap up for me that was falling down and said, “Oh honey, fix yourself!” Now, I don’t mean my entire breast was hanging out. I mean that my bra strap had momentarily fallen. Maybe it had fallen because I was crawling around on the floor with my kid, or I had just picked something up. I was in that place between where it had slid off my shoulder underneath my tank top and right before I was about to slide the strap up. It has never made ME nervous, but apparently the fear that one of my breast might just pop out is terrifying to some people. (I bet right about now you’re trying to figure out how we got from oil lamps to boobs.) Or maybe they can see my underwear line or my bra under my shirt. Over the years it has made me so angry. Now, I say something like, “Be happy I’m even wearing a bra.” or “Be happy I’m wearing panties.” or sometimes I just say, “Fuck off!” Either way I hate passive aggressive behavior put on me because other people are uncomfortable with my body. But really they are uncomfortable with their own body, their own sense of being. I have really vibrant creative energy and I’m like a freaking spotlight when I’m walking around the planet. I fully embrace it. I am me!
Here it is! Ta da: Feminista: The Energetics of Sex and Sensuality for the Fem. I am doing 5 nights of live 90 min classes on this topic. Please pass along the information to anyone your think might enjoy this. If you cannot attend but want the information you can purchase now and on the 20th everyone who has signed up will receive recordings of all the classes. I am also making it super affordable because I really want you to give this to yourself. This is for anyone who identifies with feminine expression of sensual energy.
So there you have it! Because Fred Danforth finally makes pewter spinning tops, I am finally teaching my class series on the joy of sensual and sexual play. THANKS FRED!!!! Click here to learn about the series.
And thanks for reading this, Liliana
Here we highlight the work of Tami Kent MSPT, Author of Wild Feminine and Mothering from your Center and Founder of Holistic Pelvic Care. Learn more at: http://www.wildfeminine.com/