September 24th-26th, 2021
Who is this retreat for?
Frustrated writers, joyful writers, journaling lovers, anyone feeling the pressure of a story inside of them that wants to be born. You and your love of writing are welcome. Please come with your half developed ideas, fully developed ideas and anything in-between. You do not need to be a published author in any form to receive support and joy from this retreat.
This is hands down my most favorite podcast I have ever been on. I have so much gratitude to Dr. Sarah Marshall for having me on. Sarah and I have been friends for 15 years and she is an incredible doctor and intuitive. Click the listen now link to dive in and learn more.
|I would like to share tidbits I have gathered, from people on the front lines. Some of the things are like: Duh, but also, Wow and YES! |
Tidbit #1: During a crisis language is difficult. It’s hard to describe what is happening when the crisis is unfolding. Covid, pandemic, economy; it’s all a moving target.
Tidbit #2: When something IS a moving target, it is even MORE important to talk about what is happening. Even if articulation is garbled; it’s worth discussing and sharing. This resonates with me so much, because I tend to not speak up until I feel “senior” to something. Well, I don’t feel “senior” to 2020 by a long shot.
In a traumatic moment I have a 5-step plan:
1 & 2. I shut the fuck up and focus
3. I want to absorb it all,
4. then process it and
5. then give it language.
But what I am learning is that I must speak now. Even if it is in spurts and disjointed.
Tidbit #3: First responders create “fall backs” for moments like these. When there is deterioration of a patient or a situation and normal protocols aren’t working sometimes you need to fall back on something to try and guide yourself through it. It’s an attempt to do good, during a bad time. My personal lesson from this is: I need to throw the rule book out and do what works for me right now. I refuse to adhere to some protocol that isn’t relevant anymore. If you have kids at home you realize you are not good at homeschooling, it’s ok. Fuck that. You aren’t doing business as usual, of course you aren’t. WTF? How can you? I can’t.
Tidbit #4 Being “believed” is important right now. For example in January my dreams were entirely about apocalyptic grocery store runs. It helped me that my friends and family believed my information at the time and helped me navigate through that fear. Because now I am able to support them as my nightmares have come to life. They believed me. I believed myself. I felt seen and heard and witnessed. I don’t care if you have to call a free crisis line to be heard, do it. If you don’t have a friend in the world you are not alone. So many of us have few to no friends. I believe you. You deserve to be believed. Nothing makes sense right now: What is happening? There is no leadership. What you are feeling shifts moment to moment. I found myself repulsed by Ellen’s instagram videos of her in her mansion. I love Ellen, but suddenly I was like… ‘I don’t want to see your fucking mansion when so many are worried about keeping the lights on and food in their bellies.’
Now I want to speak about conspiracies to those of you in the USA: I knew that COVID was real because I had been talking to people all around the world since December and plenty of people were really, really sick. I was also having a lot of scary predictive dreams in Jan and Feb and many of you were also. There is a ton of scary conspiracy stuff going around about COVID-19. Have you ever watched the show The Handmaid’s Tale? Do you remember how fucking dialed that regime was? Wow, they were so organized. It’s shocking how well organized they were. In this reality there is no “one” organized dark underworld. There are many different dark underworlds each with their own agenda, because they are too self-absorbed to organize and view themselves as too smart to plan. Yes, there is a big pharma agenda to make money. That sucks. Bill Gates is not a “goodness from his heart philanthropist” he is a business man baby with his own strange agenda. But all this “new” world order conspiracy stuff is bullshit. They are not going to “over take”. They already have taken over.
Have you ever read this book? You should. Click here to read a review about it.
|We already have heaps of poverty, racism, discrimination and very little |
support. We have already been living in a state of dark underworld disorganization. Disorganization that rebels against sense-making is darkness. That is currently front and center. We cannot deny it or pretend it’s all okay. In summary, if there is no mass dark well organized regime. And there is no light worker well organized hippy machine…then what? It’s the end of the illusion of convenience and the remembering of self-sufficiency and oh yeah we are a guest of this earth. For many of you this is the moment you have been preparing for your entire life. Working on your spiritual self, learning skills, ninja style trading for services, planting gardens, desiring clean water and building systems that are sustainable. So what we need now is for the people of the earth to prevail, not the fragmented talking heads. As my wife says we have elected many, many people who cannot “do” anything. We now need to all be doing something. Cleaning and clearing and healing the planet. And each one of us (like a symphony) is needed to participate in that healing.
-Plain and simple I am saying:
-Plant a garden
-Help a neighbor
-Take time to observe your pets or your kids and learn something
We are the “new world order”. The indigenous ways of living, that is what is needed; rise up and remember.
At some point, we all feel like we don’t fit in. That we don’t belong. That everyone is laughing and we don’t get the joke.
Ironically, this is what unites us all as humans. The feeling that we’re ‘the other.”
My parents emigrated from Argentina to the United States. White culture saw me as the Other and let me know. Argentine culture saw me as Gringa and let me know.
I am dyslexic. I spent years testing high in comprehension but had an extremely low reading level. My teacher would be 4 steps ahead of me; I was still stuck on step one.
As a teenager, I read lesbian sci-fi novels and dreamed about being with women. As a feminine woman, I felt rejected by butch lesbian culture. I felt unattractive to women. I got the message that, if I didn’t have short hair, boots and flannel, I would never have a female partner. I liked high heels, lipstick and everything pink, so I was doomed.
Oh, and another thing… I am a psychic. A profession that certainly makes you the Other. How can a charlatan be respected when you are out in the world certainly duping people?
But when you spend your life feeling like you don’t fit in, you learn to recognize and help your fellow travelers.
In the early 2000’s I was a little, baby psychic and many LGBTQ humans sought out my services. They wanted to work on their emotions and process their identity but the world of psychology hadn’t caught up to their consciousness level yet. One night, I dreamed that my first client was a man named George, but he was also a woman. It was a really powerful and healing dream. I woke up the next morning, went to work and walked into a waiting room full of all men and one person who appeared to be a woman. I walked right up to the “woman” and said, “Are you George?” I cannot tell you the joy on George’s face when he was seen as he truly was for the first time.
I strongly identify with people who feel oppressed by our modern day neon culture. The things that make me weird and quirky are also the things that make me a great healer.
Nobody here at Lotus Lantern Healing Arts fits in. We are all The Other. So we’re a safe place for you to be who you truly are.
-Rev. Liliana Barzola
To those of you reading these and emailing me: Thank you for all the awesome support and feedback! I hope you are doing well. email@example.com
We rescued a puppy! Bri feels as though we are the caregivers of a soul brought to this earth by the people of Warm Springs, Oregon.
He has had a very dark beginning. The story of his rescue begins with a late night call to the shelter. A litter of puppies was born on the Warm Springs Reservation in the cold Central Oregon brush. The caller didn’t want the rescuers to come until the next morning. Sadly, that cold night swept most of his litter into the astral. Our puppy and one other were the only survivors by the time the rescuers arrived. When I hear stories like this it just makes me want to cry.
Instantly, I have a million questions:
“Why didn’t they let the animal shelter staff come right then?”
“Why didn’t the staff insist on coming to get the pups?”
“Why was such violence and ethically backwards practices wielded against such a powerful and magical group of people forced away from their land and “placed” onto “reservations”.
“Why did no-one see the repercussions of such a violation of the human spirit…”
“Why is such uninformed design still defended to this day?”
Questions like these do not find me complete, succinct answers. But it’s what my brain does (unhelpful, obsessive, problem-solving) when I feel traumatized. Don’t you want to go back in time with me to fix all the problems? Since we can’t do that; we attempt to go in reverse by looking forward. In essence we enter a twisted, unrealistic, convoluted circle track.
As I snuggle my puppy in the warmth of our home I soothe my heart a bit. I was terrified of dogs until I was 35 years old. My beautiful St. Bernard came into my life, quite on accident and this was my first understanding of dog medicine. 2018 is the Chinese Year of the Dog. The dog is the loyal protector of the heart.
One of the strengths in my relationship with my beloved is our ability to accept each other as we are. This also means we support each other’s outrageous and spontaneous: “Great Ideas”. For example: “Hey let’s create a class on dysfunction and how to manage yourself through the really tough, twisted moments of life, based on the Joan of Arc archetype!” Today is the last day to join this latest group! Click here to learn more.
ME: I need a puppy
BRI: Absolutely not. No way. Not ever.
But when Bri heard the call of the puppy she answered for us both.
He wasn’t at all what we wanted. But then we saw his name was North.
Like our true north, our direction. We needed this during a dark period of grief and loss.
Then, she brought him home. He is amazing. Also he refuses to pee or poop outside…
North has a magical relationship with his elder dog, Frye. Frye is Bri’s therapy dog. He has been to work with her in the field and in the office for 10 years and counting. We didn’t expect these two to become instant friends. Can you see the love in his big dog eyes?
Over this next week I am planning to send out a little bit of writing about the things that live in the shadows.
You know how you see all that gross sludge and slime when you replace a filter? I’m thinking about my human filter.
When my filter get so flooded by what I see and experience in the world (#trumpadministration #metoo) I stop being able to take any information in. I can’t even take in positive things because the permeable mechanism that separates good and evil is no longer functioning. In the name of self preservation there are times that I have opted for a total system shut-down.
Do you feel me?
Is your filter clogged with slime?
Has your health been contaminated by darkness?
If so, you are not alone. We can band together to keep from being re-programmed by darkness.
When the presidential reins pass to the next administration (whenever that happens) we need to be ready with our sparkling new filters, so we can navigate our way to open pasture. But we can’t wait for another administration to take over, right? We aren’t going to be saved. We can’t wait for equality, empowerment or diversity of thought. Saving ourselves means making our moves right now, by showing up locally, being present and vocal.
Begin where you begin. We need to build and harness collective momentum so that just as a cartoon character jumps and gets their legs going in mid- air to PREPARE for the all out sprint, we also can be free to take off in a moments notice when the time is right.
What does my Joan of Arc Series have to do with water filters, cartoon athletes, and the dysfunctional slime that has been running rampant in our everyday environments? See Figure J below:
Joan of Arc provides the filter.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
I live in a VERY conservative, religious, judgmental small town. And guess how much showing up I have to do as a woman of color in love with another woman? A lot!
Liliana at the bookstore: I’m listening to a teenage girl try in earnest to explain a Malcolm Gladwell podcast that she found enlightening to two teenage boys who are so indoctrinated in misogyny they can’t understand her experience. She is wildly more intelligent and mature beyond her years. It is painful watching what gets reflected back to her via these two bozos. She is unseen. I smiled at her knowingly. I see her. I know what she’s talking about. She smiles back, her mood changes. She knows I see her. On my way out I see another teenage girl wearing a hat that says, “Nasty Woman”. (Something that would make my friend Roxanne Jackson so proud.) She is sitting behind the counter and listening to music on her headphones. She is making a statement. Our eyes meet and she gets my second smile. She smiles back at me with full teeth and full pride. This is our movement and these are the simple ways we keep the momentum going. The kids out here are openly struggling to follow their hearts and I’m here to see them and encourage them, with my presence and my voice.
Liliana at the hardware store: They just re-opened the hardware stores. It’s been closed for a year. That is a really bad thing to not have access to in a sleepy, snowy mountain town. There I am walking hand in hand with my lover. Many people are staring nervously at us. My partner sees a man eyeing barbecues and starts to give him some advice, when another man comes into the conversation who most likely has never barbecued, cutting her off and taking over entirely. I watch as Bri is suddenly ignored, disrespected and unseen. She is such a big and powerful person to see her with these idiots makes my blood boil. I watch her strength elevated in her ability to walk away calmly, knowing she can cook better than both of them put together. Ha, Ha! We aren’t leaving. We shop here and we still make our presence seen and known to the bigoted shoppers. It takes daily courage to be here.
I know you are making a difference too. You are not alone. We out number them. We have power. They try to force. May the power of the force be with us.
Check out this amazing song about loss:
On Nov 8th, in Vermont, I will be seeing clients for private sessions. That evening we teach a Joan of Arc micro-course. If you are in the area or have a friend who is, please pass the info along or sign up yourself! Learn more here.
I was visiting a friend for dinner when she lit her handmade New England oil lamp. I fell right in love. I came home and told my partner about it. Bri went to UNH and loved her time in New England. She tells me everything’s “cozy” there. My oil lamp crush was making me think she was right. When she got invited to speak in Montreal at the International Outdoor Adventure Conference, we got the idea to make our way down. It’s a New England tour I am very excited about. Hopefully I’m just in time to see the fall colors. I have sweet clients and friends who will be putting us up in Vermont and one of them, Dr. Sarah Wylie is hosting me at her clinic Red Blossom Medicine.